Ask Manjot is a monthly advice column by writer and therapist Manjot Mann that tackles all things womanhood, relationships, mental health and more. Submit your questions here. 

Dear Manjot, At random points in my day, sometimes I have flashbacks to awful points in my life and I feel myself dissociating. When it happens, i overthink and am convinced somethings wrong - how do I stop doing this and is it normal?

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for sharing your question. It sounds like you might have experienced some trauma in your life that remains unresolved. You mention that your flashbacks happen randomly throughout the day and you find yourself disassociating as a way to cope with these sudden and I imagine unpleasant moments. Disassociation is a common response to trauma because it allows us to momentarily avoid feelings that are upsetting and difficult.

Most of us will experience a trauma or many traumas in our life. Remember, a trauma can be any moment big or small that causes a strong negative emotion. When we don’t deal with our trauma it sits with us kind of like an open wound. We might put some bandages on it and pretend it doesn’t exist but the wound will likely continue to fester and bother us until we actually figure out where it came from, why it still hurts and what it needs. 

There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling this way but your flashbacks and your desire to disassociate are telling you something - that there is a moment or moments in your life that you need to address and these flashbacks will likely stick around until you do.

I would take some time to journal through your flashbacks and see what’s coming up for you. Writing down the story of what happened is a powerful tool and can help you reflect on why certain memories are so heavy. It can also be helpful to speak to a therapist and process the emotions behind the trauma. It’s not just about what happened to you but how it made you feel. Often, our brain hyper-focuses on moments of pain because they don’t make sense to us. They might not be in line with our views of the world or we might be ruminating because we wish things had gone differently. Exploring the why can help alleviate the weight of a trauma and reduce the frequency of the flashbacks.

Remember, you are not alone. We all experience trauma in life and how we learn to deal with it is often a reflection of how we have been taught to manage difficult emotions from a young age.

Take it one step at a time. Now that you know what’s happening you can decide how you would like to handle the situation. You’ve got this.

Love always,

Manjot